Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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