The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
