Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
