I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
