i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
