Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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