about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
