Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
