yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
