Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
