I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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