If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
