You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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