Sry I called you an 8
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
