So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
