You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My nipple is on Facebook.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
