If i come over, it means nothing
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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