Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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