The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
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The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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