After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
