Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
