Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
