DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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