So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
