he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
