You work out of a Hotel?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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