i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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