I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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