I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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