hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
