Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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