evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
