I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
