You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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