My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
