you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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