Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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