Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
