woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
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Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
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truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem