You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.