if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
