You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
