I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
