I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
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I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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