it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
