one two three fourrrrnication!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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