Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
