so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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