guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
