Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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