some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
