I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
