We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
