Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
