No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
