Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
