Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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