her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
