can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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