Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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