i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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