I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
