It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
