well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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