he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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