So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
