grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
