Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
