I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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