i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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