alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
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We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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