You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
well you can't waste a boner
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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