I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
