Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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