My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
