She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
