turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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