Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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