yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
