Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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