sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just pee around me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
