I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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